Have you had one of those nights you were really really tired and as soon as your head hit the pillow you were wide awake. Well, I had one of those nights. I try and create something, listen to CD's, try and listen but it seems like the mind is on crazy power, won't shut off and won't shut up. Then you start worrying knowing you have things you have to do tomorrow and it would be nice to be rested for them.
What happened was I finally got to this place where I realized I was precious Life Force, not this crazy mind that was getting quite irritating if I must say so myself. It would like me to believe it tells the truth and that is who I am.
Well being a Precious Life Force, I was not my name, my looks, my crazy talk. I was more like a tree, a mountain, a running stream, my deers, or a cute little kitten. This brings tears to my eyes that I can be so mean to me, that I can think someones crazy thoughts can effect how I feel. This is my pattern to stay safe as I have spoken of in earlier blogs. Well I would rather feel safe knowing I am a Precious Life Force and like the trees and deers, I am always taken care of, I always have what I need, it is here as the little squirrels are taken care of we just try and find it somewhere else, outside of us. I think it may be inside of us and running through us, this is where our true creativity and gifts come from.
My Challenge for you today is to see if you can get in touch with your Precious Life Force. BET YOU CAN!!!!!
As I stood there watching the river flow I began to equate it to life. How easily the river flowed around the tons of cement that made up the pillars that supported the bridge. The river knew where it was going and what its purpose was and easily flowed around those pillars not being distracted by them or beating against them trying to figure out its next move. Why couldn’t life be the same? I reasoned it could. If only I would allow it to be. I envisioned myself grasping onto the pillars out of fear of the unknown not knowing where it may lead me. I desperately hung on not even knowing what it was I was hanging on to. I chuckled as I saw myself fiercely dog paddling weighing every option that might get me out of the place I had found myself in. Desperate to analyze it all and make sense of it. Do I need to know my purpose in order to ease through life? I had forgotten what that even was. Or have I? I think that the fear and the questioning and all the chatter in the head makes me believe that I have. Maybe my purpose is just to be happy. So what is it that makes me happy? I have forgotten even that. I thought I knew but when it didn’t unfold as I had dreamed I flung it to the side of the rode. Maybe those are my pillars. Those unfulfilled hopes and dreams that never came to fruition. I had lost faith in myself and my ability to create a life that would make me happy. How could I trust my own judgment? I promised to remember what it is that makes me happy. Then I realized happiness doesn’t come from external things. It doesn’t come from relationships or grasping for the answers from the people around me. It is all up to me. This scares me! That I am solely responsible for my own happiness. This is why I get something and it is only fulfilling for a while. It might sustain me for years but eventually becomes not enough. Today I vow to reach deep within myself and remember the peaceful fulfillment that innately is mine. Something I was born with. Where dreams come to fruition and creativity flows freely giving birth to all you desire.
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