03-13-10

OK. It is Saturday and it is a beautiful day and my beautiful family is here and we had a great dinner last night, watched a movie and then woke up to the a whole weekend looking at us. I am excited. But what I woke up to was a feeling of something is wrong. It felt normal, it is the way I have been waking up for years, and years maybe centuries. I realized it was programed in me and it kept me safe on some sick level. I remember looking at people laughing and walking on the street and wondered how they did that. I mean just let go and be happy. I always had a doom factor in there. I am getting closer and closer to letting go of each little bit as it comes and moving into freedom. Even if it is for seconds, it is a new feeling in my body, in my mind and my soul. I faintly remember this goodness, this rightness, this safety, this knowing that everything is OK or even better than OK right now. I remember a feeling of, I can do anything, when I was very young. That got beaten out of me and my soul hid, my creativity hid, my true thoughts, I could not safely be seen or heard. No wonder I became an actor. I could be seen and heard in a safe place. I want to be seen and heard in the world now. And know it is a safe place. I can live this life of freedom to be seen and heard. I don't need to worry what others think, I have no control over that as they have no control over what I think.
Today's challenge is to see if you can recognize some underlying feeling or belief that may be ready to come to the surface today. It could be a link to how you work in the world. What you bring into your world, how people react to you. Are you seen and heard in your authentic self? Or are you trying to be seen and heard how you want others to perceive you. Trying to figure out what others wanted me to be and giving them that seemed to keep me safe. I just made that up. I don't want to hid anymore how about you?