03-27-10

OK, today is the Celebration of Life I thought was last week. I believe I am still going to wear the same clothes I picked out for last week. Maybe I am a little more prepared for this today. I just don't seem to be as afraid of going. Last week I was afraid of seeing everyone, I was afraid of crying too much. I don't care what people I see, I don't care what they may think of me. For gosh sakes it isn't about me now is it. This is about Hank and his family. Selfish comes into place again. I wonder if everyone thinks of themselves first. Their insecurities, fears and doubts. I bet they do because we are just that kind of animal.
I actually went for a short walk this morning. I want to exercise, but I must not that much because I don't do it. That can be a way to celebrate life is to exercise. I used to do it for years and years and years. Now I just am tired. Just tired of pushing myself that hard. I tried to lift a few weights last night, did a little but not like I have even in the recent past. I am in some kind of holding pattern. I don't think this is the best place to be but I am not going to get down on myself for it.
My challenge to you is to take a look and see if in some situations when it truly isn't about you, you may only be worrying about how you look or what will others think. That is tiresome also.
I think I will go take a nap before I get dressed.